This weekend was Henry’s birthday weekend. He turned the big 3-5 and I planned a nice kid-free evening for him with just the two of us. It was really nice and felt like our early years all over again! While we were at dinner we had a very interesting conversation. I wish I could say I remember exactly how it started… But I can’t! Blame it on mommy brain!!
I do remember that we were talking about how we both can’t believe that we’ll be celebrating 10 years of marriage this year. That it feels like such a long time, but yet it flew by so fast. So much has happened those ten years. We’ve had our share of challenges, but thankfully everything that we have gone through has only helped to make us stronger and really grow. I love him dearly, but I would be lying if I said that he NEVER gets on my nerves! LOL!! I GUARANTEE that I do the same to him! Thankfully now we can laugh about the things that annoy us. We can even laugh about the little things we used to argue about in the early years.
Time has a way of helping you grow…and grow up. Conversations that we used to avoid, we now have freely, like the one we had this weekend.
I asked Henry the following question:
If you could change anything about me, what would it be?
I’ll admit I was a little nervous about what his answers would be. But I’m so glad I asked him. It was a nice way to help me reflect on things I’m doing well, areas that I’ve grown and of course areas for improvement. (Yikes!! I really sounded like a teacher just now!)
So without further ado… here are eight things my husband wishes he could change… about me.
Worrying too much about what other people think.
Yep… I’m gonna put it out there… I used to be a “people pleaser”. Growing up and even into my adult years, I worried too much about what people thought about me. I would allow this worry to cause me to make decisions not based on what I really felt in my heart God wanted me to do, but more based on what I thought other people wanted me to do. Looking back on it now, I also missed out on doing things for myself because I was so concerned that I would disappoint certain people in my life. That is not a way to live! I am so glad that I can say now that I do not worry about what other people think about me anymore. I’m not going to say that getting to this point has always been easy, and there are still times when I have moments of worry/doubt, but then I remind myself that I need to focus on pleasing God. At the end of the day, what HE thinks about me and pleasing HIM is all that matters.
My Bathroom Toiletries “Situation”
I know many of you ladies can relate when it comes to this. My morning routine is not that complicated, but I do have things that I use daily. Some days my brush, comb, curling iron, hair pins, mascara, powder, etc. might be left on the bathroom counter in the mornings, but at least I look good when I leave the house!! LOL! Let me stop! But for real though… most mornings I’m in a hurry and I don’t always put EVERYTHING away. I try to straighten up when I get home… but I’ll be honest… that doesn’t always happen either. I didn’t realize how much it bothered Henry that I did that until he said it. but I’m glad he let me know so that I can make more of an effort to keep things tidier in the mornings.
My Nighttime “Situation”
When I go to bed, I have to wrap my hair at night to keep the style and to protect my hair. I wear a bonnet to sleep so that my hair will be protected. I’ve wrapped my hair long before marriage and have continued that practice up until now. Henry (like most men) doesn’t really care for my bonnet too much. And perhaps I wear it around the house more than I really need to… But that was one thing he said he would like for me to change. Perhaps put the bonnet on RIGHT before I REALLY go to bed (wink, wink). Another part of my nighttime “situation” that he addressed was the “pajamas” that I wear to bed. I’ll be honest… I have fallen into the “mom outfit” rut when it comes to my sleepwear. At this point, I’m just interested in wearing what is comfortable because I’m focused on getting the best sleep of the little sleep I’m getting these days! LOL! But I agree with Henry… I need to spruce up in that area. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m wearing a “mom outfit” right now as I’m typing this post! I better hop on AMAZON and get something ASAP!!
Throwing Food Away
I have to agree with Henry, I do have an issue with this. Since having Arissa, I’m still trying to get back in the cooking routine and being more efficient with meal planning and using leftovers, etc. I’ll admit it though, I’m not really good about leftovers— eating and keeping them. I don’t know what it is about me, but I don’t like to eat leftovers that have been in the fridge longer than a day. (Don’t judge me!! LOL!) The funny thing about this is that when I throw food away, I make a point to do it when he’s not home so he doesn’t see me doing it. But obviously he knows because of the fact that he brought it up. So much for that!! LOL! But on a serious note, throwing perfectly edible food away is not good and even more than that, I don’t want Arissa to think that it’s okay to waste food either. I have to remember that she is watching EVERYTHING we do, and I want to help her develop good habits.
I get what Henry is saying with this one, but I don’t completely agree with him about it. He thinks that I run too many errands during the week and that I should streamline them. I’ll be honest, sometimes I’ll realize that I’ve forgotten something that we absolutely need from the store. Or I’ll get some inspiration of a meal that I want to cook that evening and HAVE to get the magic ingredient on my way home. LOL! I’m still working on doing better with meal planning and prepping for each week, but some weeks are harder than others to do this. I see where he is coming from and I will do my best to try to streamline errands as much as possible. 😉
Piling the trash in the trash can
I have to admit, I chuckled a bit when Henry said this one. I laughed because I thought I found a way to make it less annoying by pulling up the sides of the trash bag. That way it kind of folds over and hides the trash inside. Please don’t tell me I’m the ONLY woman in the world who does this! I guess it still annoys him though! I will say this, that not the first time he’s brought it up and I try to make an effort to take the trash bag out of the trashcan and put a new bag in. It doesn’t always happen… but it doesn’t always not happen! 🙂
Putting dishes in BOTH sides of the sink
Cleaning the kitchen is one of my household chores. Not my favorite, but it has to be done. I try to stay on top of the dishes and emptying the dishwasher regularly. Sometimes when I’m not able to get to the dishes right away, I’ll pile them in the sink. Once I’ve emptied out the clean dishes I’ll put those in. I didn’t realize how much it annoys Henry when I have dishes in BOTH sides of the sink. He says that it makes it hard for him to clean bottles and Rissy’s cups. And I completely understand because she goes through bottles and cups so much. I know that for some that is not a big issue- and yes I even laughed about it as well- but I did tell Henry that I would try to make sure that I am mindful of this. I’m grateful that I have a husband that cleans her bottles regularly, so if putting the dishes on one side of the sink will help him do that, then I am more than willing to do my part and keep one side of the sink open. On that note… let me go check the sink right quick!! LOL!
Little Spending Here and There…and There
I have to admit that yes, I do unplanned spending here and there. And yes, I don’t always tell Henry. And yes, I’ve hidden bags and purchases from him before. There I said it!! I’m keeping it 100 in this post!! LOL! I’ll admit, I’m a bargain shopper. I don’t like to pay full price for anything and I don’t like to spend a lot of money on the things that I do buy. As I mentioned in an earlier post about a “no shopping” challenge I gave myself a few years ago (you can read it here), when I do buy clothing, it’s definitely more purposeful. The only catch for me now is that I LOVE to buy for Rissy! I mean it’s so easy to see a cute outfit or something on sale and want to get it for her. Now I do like to buy things for myself here and there- but lately I’ve found myself buying things for Rissy. Even though I buy things on sale, it does add up. I know that it is important to stick to a budget and with Rissy in the picture now, we have to be even more mindful of our spending. I didn’t realize that I would love to shop for her so much!! But Henry is right, I need to budget for things like this and then stick to that budget once it has been created.
Whew! I feel like I am telling ALL my business today! Thankfully these changes need simple adjustments that are not too hard to make. (Well, the shopping one might be a little harder than the others.) I think that for relationships/marriages to be healthy, it’s important for couples to do “check-ins” like this every once in a while so that adjustments and improvements can be made on both ends as needed. So with that said…please believe that Henry asked me the SAME question. Soooooo stay tuned for a guest post from him called 8 Things My Wife Wishes She Could Change… About Me. Check it out here!!!
Well dear friends, I hope that opening up and sharing this part of my life, marriage and relationship has brought you some laughs, and has even encouraged you if needed. Please feel free to leave a comment below. I would love to hear your thoughts!